I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
