We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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