Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
