I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
