i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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