Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
