I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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