Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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