Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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