It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
