took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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