Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
