The maid of honor just puked.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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