I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
