you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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