Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
