ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
