every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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