Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
