So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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