She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
