Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How does one acquire holy water?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
