So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
