I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
