When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Shame - the story of my life.
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