You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
