well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
