I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
