You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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