Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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