how can u be prego again
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
