sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
