There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
