he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
