youre lurking in front of me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
