I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
