so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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