girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
