he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
