I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
