saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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