Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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