LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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