I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
