Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Sponge bath it is.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
