I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
