I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize