i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
