One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
