no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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