my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Let's get the cat blown out
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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