then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
