Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
