It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
