You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
