I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
