i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
