God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
