I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
