the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
