Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
