Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
