Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
