You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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