I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize