I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
