Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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