How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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