remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
