carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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