I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
