i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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