Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
