she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We need to feng shui this bitch.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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