You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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